The conversation • Episode 8

To read ONLY if you have seen the full season.

Alright, so this scene is kinda the first request that I had on Twitter. Someone asked me an analysis of Sidney’s hands and I had to do the full scene.

With this conversation I have to do a parallel with their first balcony conversation. In the first one (I will do an analysis of the full scene later), Sidney is alone and not waiting for anyone when Charlotte comes. To me, we can see it as if Sidney is not looking for love. He’s not expecting for anyone to come into his life. “I had convinced myself that I was destined to remain alone that I was ill-suited for matrimony.” So when Charlotte comes on the balcony, it can be seen like a metaphor, as love coming into Sidney’s life. Now, his hands. They’re fully closed on the railing and I see it like in addition of not looking for love, he’s less ready for it. He’s not ready to give his heart to anyone. So here, on the balcony, he’s once again alone with his hands on railing but as soon as he hears Charlotte coming to him, he turns around and lets go of the railing. Now, he’s ready for love.

He smiles to her and takes her hands in his. He’s ready for love, he knows who he wants and that’s her. She’s the one to who he is willing to give his heart.

“At last. I thought I’d never get you alone.”
I know he’s talking about the evening but I like to see it as if he was saying that he thought he’d never get her. They’ve been through a lot between fights, feelings to understand and the return of an ex, Sidney was totally lost at one point and maybe thought he’d never have her to himself. That can explain why he takes her hands. She’s his now and he won’t let her go.

Okay, so now you’ll have to watch the scene to hear of what I’m about to talk about: their breathing! Here, Charlotte is the first one to breathe deeply, right after he finishes to speak. They both do it during the whole conversation and the simple explaination is that they are stressed and nervous.

Deep breathing is one of the best ways to lower stress in the body. This is because when you breathe deeply, it sends a message to your brain to calm down and relax. (x)

Charlotte is nervous because she knows what Sidney might be saying and asking but she’s also not quite sure.

He holds her hands to show her his affection towards her. He wants to be close to her. It’s not the good time to kiss her so holding her hands is the only other way to be intimate with her. But the way he does it, is his first nervous movement to me. It kinda looks like he’s playing with her hands. He’s about to propose and he’s so nervous about it. “How do I hold her hands?”, if he wasn’t holding her hands, what would he do with his?

“Do you remember the last conversation we had on this balcony?”

It’s so obvious that they both thought of it and I love that he brings it up. It kinda reminds everything they’ve been through together since that moment.

“All too well.”

Meaning, “how could I forget?”.

“What a brute I was.”

Meaning, “how mean I was!”

I love how they look back on it and laugh about it.

“I deserved everything you said.” *breathing*

We talk a lot about how Sidney becomes his truest self thanks to Charlotte. But I think he makes an impact on her too. Especially, after what happened with Otis and Georgiana. This moment has been very hard for her. “I hardly know what to think anymore. […] I have always felt so certain of my judgment but now I see that I have been blinded by sentiment and naivety. I’ve got it all so wrong.” I think the way Sidney reacts to her opinion made her think. “You seem to find it impossible to distinguish between the truth and your own opinion!” Maybe he was reacting like that for her own good. If she would have listened to him about Otis, she wouldn’t be that hurt. So when she says, “I deserved everything you said”, I think it’s her way to tell him that sometimes he was right.

“No, you didn’t.” *BREATHING*

He’d never really apologized about it and I think, he is finally doing it here. Also it sounds like he was saying “No. You’re not “too” anything. Don’t doubt yourself.” again. He loves her for who she is and he wouldn’t change anything about her.

“I hope that I am a different man now.”

I feel like he’s saying that he hopes that he won’t hurt her anymore like he did a few times, which he regrets deeply.

“No. You’re the same man but much improved.”

I love that she answers that. Even if she found him very impolite at first, she fell in love with him. She loves him for who he is, just like he loves her for who she is. Also, I believe that she refers to what he said to her “I believe I am my best self, my truest self, when I’m with you.” She intends to be with him for the rest of her life if he asks her, so that’s why he’s improved.

*breathing* “If I have changed at all, *breathing* it is in no small part down to you.”

He feels like she makes him a better man. “I am a great deal less than perfect. You’ve made me all too aware of that.” She’s one of the rare persons who dares to put him in his place. Who dares to confront him and that changed him. “I don’t believe that anybody is truly unsuited to marriage. Not even you.” She also made him believe in love and marriage again.

*breathing* “I have never wanted to put myself in someone else’s power before.” *breathing*

The way that she confronts him with such power! His breathing is so important here. He’s nervous about his proposal but his breathing is also about what he’s saying. He wants her, he desires her. She could ask him anything. She owns him completely.

Charlotte is hanging on his lips. She realizes how much she means to him.

“I’ve never wanted to care for anyone but myself.” *breathing*

He’s ready to love again and loving is caring. He wants to take care of her. He wants to cherish her. He wants to protect her.

“Miss Heywood. *breathing* Charlotte.”

It’s time to ask THE question. I love how he smiles at her before saying “Miss Heywood” Oh, he said it a million times, but this one is so special! THIS moment is special. So special that he can’t just call her ‘Miss Heywood’, he has to say her christian name, “Charlotte.” Saying it, is so intimate. The last time he said it, he kissed her and now he’s about to propose.

Here, Charlotte is like “Oh my God, it is happening!” (insert The Office GIF)

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I struggled a little with this one but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. My next analysis should be the Rowing scene!

PS: hands, breathing, Hands, HANDS, Breathing, Breathing, Breathing, BREATHING, BREATHIIING!

-Fabiola